butterflystarfish

2009-08-15T00:20:00.000+08:00

2009-07-26T09:00:00.001+08:00

"Its not about where we have come from...
Its about where we are going to from here"

*swoons*

2009-07-23T14:31:00.002+08:00

One day, when i do start to trust you enough, i will share my wildest thoughts, hopes and dreams with you. For now, they remain bubbling under this surface.

EDIT:
Is it me? Is it you? Or is it them?
All of you keep pissing me off, on a daily basis...
And i'm just sick and tired of everything.

I need a breather.
Can someone just get me a ticket to nowhere for a year?

I can't maintain this facade when i have a volcano just waiting to erupt inside.

*Sorry for the angst!

2009-07-14T15:23:00.003+08:00

Commencement today was bittersweet.
Pictures will be up soon!

p.s. i miss you ♥

2009-07-12T14:04:00.000+08:00

Gone too soon

RIP MJ

2009-06-21T22:21:00.003+08:00

I need a quick-fix.

Plus, i hate the way everything is right now. Let me just make it clear to the clueless, i love to love just as much as i love to be loved. I wish you could spend the time and effort u do judging me, appreciating and seeing the love in the little things that i do.

I wish you could see this love the way i do.

2009-05-26T23:45:00.000+08:00

If only good moments could last forever...

sigh

2009-05-23T14:50:00.004+08:00

"You can never be 'just friends' with ex-boyfriends"

Its taken me long enough to learn this.
(but i just do not have the guts to hurt you)

3 days!

2009-05-22T09:45:00.002+08:00

No matter what happens on monday, you know that i have always got your back.
Keep strong, be happy and i will be there for you all the way regardless of the decision that is made.
I know you can't see this but i hope, in some way, my thoughts will reach your heart.

Love you, and miss you to bits.

2009-05-17T08:49:00.003+08:00

"HARPINESSSSSS"
p.s. inside joke

2009-05-14T12:12:00.002+08:00

Swine flu humour - it's all the rage now.

p.s. i had an awesome time in melbourne! caryn was so sweet to bring us around. xoxo, sweetie(:

2009-05-04T08:10:00.001+08:00

I will always remember. Just never forget that.

2009-04-24T11:31:00.001+08:00

But i'm in so deep. You know i'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger.
Do you have to let it linger?
Do you have to let it linger?

2009-04-16T22:20:00.001+08:00

"I need to stop needing, before someone stops needing me"

So true.

EDIT: I am officially done with Law School. A bittersweet ending to these 4 years of illegal photocopying (there was/is MAJOR infringement of copyright laws going on in btc), mugging the muggers which always seemed useless in the exams, ponning classes which we believed to be useless (turns out we were wrong most of the time), stocking up on paus and hot teas before 3-hour classes (yuck!), and pretending to pay attention to the lecturer by incessantly nodding our heads while we were busy msn-ing with the people sitting right NEXT to us. Out of all the things i am going to miss about these 4 years, the one thing i am going to miss most is our chillax sessions/breaks in between classes...i love you girls x infinity.

ka-ching

2009-04-14T15:08:00.003+08:00

Have i mentioned how much i LOVE being a part-time stockbroker? Clickety-click here and clickety-click there. So fun. Plus just knowing that there's money (albeit, not my money) coming in at the end of it. Exciting! But there are times, when your order is just left to queue and starts annoying the shites out of you. Like now. Yes, very annoying.

Back to corporate insolvency notes. Seriously, i need god to bestow me with a bunch of miracles (a single one wouldn't help) for me to get a decent grade for this paper.

*and now, for the books

2009-04-13T11:45:00.004+08:00

I have forgotten how to love another, over this weekend. And i fear i might forget myself by the end of another weekend. The one whom i held closest to me wanted me to change more than anything. But what if change is breaking down the person that i am; eroding every single value and principle that i have held on to for most of my life? When it becomes a question of love or me, selflessness might not be the answer no more. Every single word i say has been scrutinized and debated to the point that i would rather look down at the ground and let life drift by me; i wish i were born mute-deaf. My face has to be held in a single expression for it to not anger another. My body and heart is controlled by my mind for it to not bear the marks of your anger. My reflection is of another, and i feel like throwing a cannonball at it. When did life spiral out of my control? Exactly four years ago. Is this good or bad? I will never know.

Teach me how to love again. But please be merciful - I do not want to lose myself in you; I do not want to lose myself in us.

2009-03-31T00:23:00.008+08:00

Sunday morning brunch at dempsey and starbucks thereafter.
We are such tai-tais i tell you.

this is me (supposedly)

2009-03-26T01:41:00.002+08:00

OCTOBER Birthdays: Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care about what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves the outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

p.s. blogspot's become my new twitter. don't mind me.

EDIT:

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

Taken from: http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Honestly, do yourself a favour and try this!

2009-03-24T12:55:00.002+08:00

i am already up to my neck with your BS.
how much more are you going to throw at me, huh?

2009-03-21T09:31:00.004+08:00

WOW. I have absolutely no inspiration to write.

p.s. you really have to stop annoying me. ugh.

p.p.s. im taking a short little trip to aussieland with baby after the exams. its going to be SO much fun and i can't wait! miss me!

2009-03-10T13:38:00.002+08:00

1. Corp Insolv Assignment
2. Intl Crim Paper
3. Law & Soci Paper
4. Corp Insolv Paper

My itinerary for the next month and a half. And then...its SAYO NARA to law school! *whoopdeedo*

♥

2009-03-05T11:58:00.001+08:00

2009-03-03T12:52:00.002+08:00

im hurt.
am i causing this pain with my own foolishness,
or are your words just a little too much to take for me?

at the end of the day,
noone's the good guy or the bad guy.
all we end up with are two broken hearts, parted with a never-enough 'sorry'.

2009-02-28T08:43:00.005+08:00

"Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Oh,Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday I'm in love"

2009-02-24T23:54:00.005+08:00

i am having THAT horrible feeling again...
and i desperately need to shake it away.

HELPPPP!

our monthly (starbucks/movie) date is coming around at the right time, shamz love.
im finally gonna watch the reader! yayayayayay(:

i ♥ my quirky yellow garfield slippers.

and i already have a shopping list created specially for a portion of my gst credits money coming in this weekend.
i am soooo bad.
(but they are really pwetty stuffs that are completely worth the money!)

sigh, so much for becoming a tomboy huh?

lucky

2009-02-17T13:11:00.003+08:00

p.s. jason mraz is definitely going into my wedding song playlist.

2009-02-14T10:53:00.001+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day! ♥

xoxo

i want...

2009-02-10T20:38:00.003+08:00

to be a tomboy
a whole bunch of cds made with all my favourite tunes
a trip to someplace incredibly exotic, like mauritius
a girls' night in, with b&js and lots of soppy love stories and brainless chick flicks
my dog to talk
a macbook pro

a heart that can trust with no question
a love so unbreakable, unshakable that i can always rely on it to make me happy

...you

2009-01-28T14:59:00.001+08:00

Am i always going to feel this way about you?
I don't want to, but at the same time, i can't help it.

the boy does nothing

2009-01-23T13:45:00.002+08:00

Does He Wash Up Never Wash Up
Does He Clean Up No He Never Cleans Up
Does He Brush Up Never Brushed Up
He Does Nothing The Boy Does Nothing

-i have got this on repeat. thanks z!(:

2009-01-20T23:45:00.002+08:00

i think people should be allowed to go to work/school in their pjs.
saves a whole load of money, and it makes doing everything a trillion times easier.

2009-01-13T11:23:00.001+08:00

Maybe im a fool for love...
But i would rather fall in love ten times, and have my heart broken ten times,
Then never have experienced it ever.

2009-01-12T23:04:00.003+08:00

Everywhere on fb, im getting bombarded with "the beginning of the end" status-changes. Im starting to feel really nostalgic, though i really just can't wait to move on to the next stage of my life. God knows what that means, but im hopeful as always. To me, this moment right now is just the prelude before another beginning.

Just today i felt like i have nothing left to look forward to in my life. I mean after 4 years of law school, i will have to commit myself to a job that is immensely demanding and that means many caffeine-overdoses and 9-2am days in the office. Just as i was mumbling and grumbling about this to the people around me, i realised that i have all the love and support i will ever need in my life. And its being around these people who shower me with so much affection that will always keep me going, despite any whirlwind i might be caught up in.

2009-01-10T00:24:00.003+08:00

I like that effortless, put-together look. I always look out for men/women who can carry off effortless. You don't have to be amazingly gorgeous or incredibly toned to do that. I think all it needs is a great attitude, a good eye for colour and the willingness to push the boundaries with conventional symmetry/structure.

i love this picture

2009-01-06T21:45:00.003+08:00

2009-01-04T13:55:00.008+08:00

So, my goals for 2009 are:
1. Don't pon classes
2. Lose weight (always on the list)
3. Get through pupillage in one piece
4. Make poopiekins happy(:

starbucks madness

2008-12-16T00:12:00.006+08:00

Despite our very hectic schedules, we try to meet every once a month at the very least. And its always such great fun with the horribly bad camwhoring (hahaha!) and steamed milk, hot chocolate and green tea frappe (interchangeable) combo. To add a little spice to the mix, there's all the gossip to exchange and this time round, we added in a cute little hindi movie. Eventhough we ended off as homeless women stranded on the side of a dark, dingy road, it was a wonderful date...and i am already looking forward to the next one. Love ya...and hope you sort our your little mess soon(:

haha!

2008-12-14T17:20:00.003+08:00

So i got a call from the boy the other day.

And i was greeted with this:
"Hey babe, what's up?"

Seriously, should i be concerned?

a prayer for all

2008-12-10T21:26:00.005+08:00

Lord, give me the courage to change the things which can and ought to be changed;
The serenity to accept the things which cannot be changed;
And the wisdom to know the difference

2008-12-09T21:22:00.004+08:00

Its the festive season!

Shower me with prezzies, love and huggies - all i need to be a happy gal.

p.s. willie's back. which means i am back to having purrrrfect hair. yay to him!(:

2008-12-08T14:45:00.002+08:00

In 12 days, i will be brought back to 4 months ago.

Good or bad...i"ll just wait and see.

To those who have been asking...no, i am not excited.
I am just anticipating the best, and preparing for the worst.

post-exam revelry

2008-12-04T10:53:00.004+08:00

My throat's dry, words barely being squeaked out
My head throbs like a million drummers are playing it
The remnants of last night's music still ringing in my ear,
Clothes reeking of alcohol and sweat while
My feet's cracking with blisters

And i am the happiest girl in the world.
Thanks for the great company my dears (if you guys are reading this)!(:

EDIT: With pictures, totally uncharacteristic of this blog

at zirca, which was surprisingly REALLY GOOD

i dont remember this picture

these two were the trash talking drunken duo. this picture was taken right after they made small talk with the indian men walking behind them.
rubin and vasu (to random indian men): which part of india are you guys from?
indian men: WE ARE NOT FROM INDIA

(and later)
vasu (to jasminder): I WONT LET THAT BITCH!
in vasu's defence, she doesn't have the habit of completing sentences when she's drunk.

2008-12-02T13:13:00.002+08:00

Nothing else could fit more perfectly,
than when your mood matches the colour of your walls.

Paint it RED

2008-11-20T17:50:00.001+08:00

I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it'�s wrong to love you
Then my heart just won�t let me be right
Cause I�'ve drowned in you
And I won�t pull through
Without you by my side

I�'d give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I�'d risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
Cause I can�t go on
Living in the memory of our song
I�'d give my all for your love tonight

Baby can you feel me
Imagining I�'m looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you�'re so far
Like a distant star
I�'m wishing on tonight

2008-11-19T23:07:00.000+08:00

You took your coat off and stood in the rain
You were always crazy like that
I watched from my window
Always felt I was outside looking in on you
You were always the mysterious one with dark eyes and careless hair
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care
Then you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather

Well in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see
This is my heart bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees
These foolish games are tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart

You were always brilliant in morning
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee
You philosophies on art, Baroque moved you
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar
You'd teach me of honest things
Things that were daring, things that were clean
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean
So I hid my soiled hands behind my back
Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you
Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn, somebody more like myself

2008-11-19T15:51:00.002+08:00

Oooh pretty PRETTY clothes...they can cheer me up in a way no haircut or B&Js can do.

Okay back to hiding under the burgeoning pile of conflicts notes.

9 days to go till the hols! And 31 days to go till you come back home to meeee!

(:

signs

2008-11-16T22:18:00.002+08:00

In December every sign has it's own mode
I was in love with a Sagittarius
See the emotions he put me through
From Capricorns to Aquarius
They all got their different minds
The affection of a Virgo
Which sign matches good with mine

I was in love with a Sagittarius he blew my mind
He also had a flip side too much like a Gemini
He was freaky like a Taurus the way he handled me yeah
Flirtatious like an Aries
Which sign is best for me?

I wish he was a Virgo, the same sign as me
And know how to show me love, cause I've been hurt by a Pisces
I want him sexy like a Scorpio
The way he holds me close yeah
Sensitive as a Cancer
Every sign from coast to coast

I can't explain why I love him
Bossy like Leos do
Got game like an Aquarius
Switch moves after he's been with you
Fun like a Libra
He stays on my mind
He's so unpredictable
He reminds me of every sign

2008-11-15T10:41:00.003+08:00

I hope you know u mean the world to me. Sometimes, you behave like you don't and you do things or throw words that make me feel really rotten inside. The words can make my happiest day sad, and i really don't want to be subject to these cycles. I want constancy. Yes, i have said it. I love it when there are no changes, cos i get used to people and things and moments with alot of effort. It takes ALOT for me to open up to people, and to trust them with my thoughts (whether they are silly or not), and my heart (i guard it so well sometimes). You might hate the constancy, the normalcy, but it makes me oh so happy.

I love pretending too...like im happy. Somehow, i become happy pretending to be happy. Guess its all in the mind. But today, i can't pretend like i am.

On a random note, im off to chope seats at the library. Yea, my life.
12 days to go!
To the end of the exams. Yes, its a different countdown today.

2008-11-15T00:26:00.003+08:00

You're gonna be a shining star, in fancy clothes, and fancy cars.
And then you'll see, you're gonna go far,
Cause everyone knows, just who you are.
So live your life, ay ay ay.
Your steady chasing that paper,
Just live your life.
You got no time for no hata's
Just live your life.
No telling where it'll take ya,
Just live your life.

i HEART rihanna.
And for some reason i find TI really HOT.

UGHUGHUGH

2008-11-12T20:01:00.005+08:00

im just really dissatisfied with the quality of my life thus far.
Like nothing's perfect.
Okay la, im in a whiny mood but STILL!

I wanna move to another country and create a perfect little world there for myself. A world that consists of people who KNOW how to keep me happy and satisfied.

p.s. the frequent blogging is due to the DARN exams.

happy 43rd!

2008-11-11T12:20:00.003+08:00

You look in my eyes, and i get emotional inside
I know its crazy, but you still can touch my heart
And after all this time you think that i wouldn't feel the same
But time melts into nothing and nothing's changed

Each day of my life, im filled with all the joy i could find
You know that I am not the desperate type
If there's one spark of hope left in my grasp, I"ll hold it with both hands
Its worth the risk of burning to have a second chance

I still believe.

-i know you love this song as much as i do. love you babykins(:

2008-11-10T11:09:00.002+08:00

In The Holiday, the retired director asks kate winslet why she's relegating herself to the role of a supporting actress, when really she looks and has the presence of a star. I am not being proud when i say this. But sometimes i ask myself the same question. Why am i subjecting myself to the emotional turbulences and paranoias of the juvenile hearts and minds that have warped themselves in memories of their 'first love', the only reason for them doing so being that they are too afraid (huh?) and that they haven't gotten enough attention since then. Really, stop making your life seem like a soap opera and grow up. Everyone's had enough of the drama.

Everyone's had their firsts...the first peek, the first crush, the first butterflies in the tummy, the first hug, the first kiss, the first love, the first date. But there's so much more to life than the firsts. The seconds, thirds and fourths are sometimes even more pleasing. Yes, you can never forget the first. But the first is just the key that opens up the door to something alot more mature, alot more refined and alot more complex. I have learnt this, and i think its time for you to do so too. Live and love like there's no tomorrow. Good luck to you!(:

mark this date

2008-11-06T00:27:00.000+08:00

All things are possible.

2008-10-30T21:29:00.003+08:00

countdown: 5 weeks

I can't wait to be back in your arms again, especially after hearing what you had to say.

Love you gazillions!:D

2008-10-04T17:48:00.000+08:00

Reminder to myself:
Stop shopping and start cracking *WHIP*

2008-09-27T16:54:00.002+08:00

It sucks. Just how much i miss him.
My poor babyboo...the only one who actually thinks im funny.

The pratas and tea just don't taste the same without you.

12 weeks to go!
:(

ShutUp&LetMeGo

2008-09-18T14:54:00.003+08:00

People are judgmental. No matter how much they say they aren't, they are. And very often, the ones on the side of being judged, let these judgments affect their way of life, the choices they make, and the people they choose to be acquainted to. I really do believe that a person can be truly happy when he/she chooses to break away from the shackles of such social judgments imposed on them. People will never stop judging. But a person can choose to not let these judgments affect them. It's really not that difficult. Just stop caring. That's all that it takes.

I want to stop caring too. And these are the things i want to do, when i stop caring:

1. Bust my budget on a really good live show
2. Pole dancing classes
3. A short getaway in the middle of semester
4. More piercings, regardless of how bad they look on me
5. Sit by the lake and stone, with my ipod in hand
6. Playdate with the playground
7. Get acquainted with good literature (besides the law textbooks that have consumed my life)
8. Blast my music and sing aloud, wherever i may be
9. Meals that consist of ICE CREAM, BROWNIES and WAFFLES
10. Sit and stone with friends for hours and hours, without caring about the restaurant owner who's trying to chase us away
11. Get drunk, puke and continue drinking anyways (okay maybe once, just for the experience)
12. TATTOO
13. Shopping at my every whim
14. Letting the people i love know that i love 'em (without getting all awkward about it)

The list might go on. And i guess i"ll check in next year to let you guys know how good i was at this "not-caring" thing. haha!(:

2008-09-15T12:37:00.000+08:00

i miss my eyecandy

:(

2008-09-11T20:09:00.002+08:00

I was in school for 12 hours today. Not pleasant AT ALL.
And i feel like shites cos im broke, and have a freaking huge pimple on my face.
I didn't even want to look at myself in the mirror the whole day.
Plus i dont have YOU to rant to.
I hate this.

the moment of truth

2008-09-04T12:22:00.002+08:00

In the spirit of blogging about current events, let's discuss that show on Star World: The Moment of Truth. I was just watching the supposedly-most controversial episode of the show last night, and i was blown away by the level of intimacy of these questions. For example, "do you think you might have been in love with your ex-boyfriend on your wedding day?" or "Have you ever had sexual relations with anyone else besides your husband since your marriage?" I mean seriously, these are horrible questions to ask ANYONE. I felt so sad for the lady on the hot seat, but the answers that she was delivering were making things even worse.

And what i really want to know is what would actually make people come on this show? They are risking the relationships they have forged throughout their life, for money. Is it really worth losing the love in your life for that money? Someone close to me actually told me that he would go on this show for the money even though relationships that he might have with others might end for this money. It's so sad to hear that, but im just wondering how many more of such people exist in this world. For the record, i would too. But that's only because my truths aren't bad enough for me to deny confronting them in front of others.

2008-08-21T14:03:00.002+08:00

Im sitting in school, freezing my buns off, doing all the things im not supposed to be doing. Thinking about all the things im not supposed to be thinking about. I know im lucky to have the people that i have in my life. But at times, i wonder how real they actually are. Are they all that they make themselves out to be? All the words, promises, smiles...i tend to easily fall for these things. Some may call it being foolish. I, for one, think i just place my faith in others' hands too easily. There's nothing wrong with taking that infamous leap of faith right. Is there? I do not want to regret the decisions i have made in my life. Life is too short to regret. But i do wonder if i have made decisions that i might actually regret when it comes to some of the people in my life.

I just need a big huggy wuggy right now:(

our short getaway

2008-07-29T17:29:00.006+08:00

shagged after our 7 hr coach ride

before our evil bumper car ride (p.s. i do look slightly evil here)

making spastic faces

blame it on the room

buhbye, genting.

clap, clap

2008-07-10T11:52:00.002+08:00

This is thanks to my mum who forced me to make a contribution of 50 cents to our "horsie-bank" everytime i cussed. Also, my biology teacher who made me believe that a classy lady would never swear.

And erm, yeap thanks to the boyfriend who makes funny, amused faces when i swear at the general public.

2008-07-09T10:30:00.002+08:00

Pupillage applications were horrendous. I hate the stress of not knowing, and of feeling all crappy about myself, and that's exactly how i felt on Monday. Anyway, for those not in the know, i am gonna be going to Harry Elias's corporate department. For now, im still stuck in this internship. Currently, finishing up my last bits of work. I hate being here, but like my mum said, always leave with a good name. So, im just biting on my tongue, grinding my teeth and waiting for the days to go by (come soon, Friday!).

Im planning for a trip to Genting with some friends, and with the boy. I need a getaway from here, and more importantly i feel like doing something fun with the boy. Especially since he's gonna be away for 3 whole months later this year. Im gonna miss him for sure. But lets not talk about that for now, cos it just makes me sad.

I have been shopping, PLENTY. But they are all pretty clothes, which can be worn for school. So, i still think its worth the money spent (which is not that much, really:D). I still need to get those KEDS sneakers i have been eyeing, and a coupla' other stuff. School's gonna start soon and im actually looking forward to it. Donno why also. But just am.

Ok, toodles.

2008-07-04T13:25:00.003+08:00

I ALWAYS feel pudgy when i go without Amore for a week, and thats how im feeling now. Bleagh. Like a huge tub of lard. Thank god, i can go tomorrow. And im deffo going for 3 classes, like i did last Sat. I always enjoy Cheryl's workouts, so its not so much of a pain.

On a sidenote, im shopping too much. Not too much details on that in case loved ones (who will scold me) see this. haha(: But, all's good. Im still afloat on finances.

KKGTGMUAXBUHBYE.

2008-06-30T11:28:00.002+08:00

Pupillage applications are coming up, and im definitely nervous. Especially so, given my unimpressive results over these 3 years. But i am really hoping to get into a firm of my choice nevertheless. I mean no harm hoping right? And just as i was fretting over the apps, and wondering if i could make it into the firm of my choosing, i read about Subash Anandan's road to controversial success in this field. I feel much more reassured now. I realise that maybe it doesnt matter which firm i do my pupillage at. What matters is that my passion is still retained, and eventually i will reap what i sow.

God speaks to me in mysterious ways sometimes. But i am grateful.

2008-06-24T15:06:00.001+08:00

gaya --

[noun]:

A person with a sixth sense for detecting the presence of goblins

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

my 9 to 6

2008-06-19T16:48:00.002+08:00

From: MrS BanDitO [mailto:bell.aluna@hotmail.com] Sent: Thursday, June 19, 2008 4:36 PMTo: Haema Daran - Kobian (SG)Subject:

Some guy is sleeping in office, and totally SNORING away. i can hear him eventhough im sitted miles away. HAHA

From:
Haema Daran - Kobian (SG) (xxx@abc.com)
Sent:
Thursday, June 19, 2008 4:44:53 PM
To:
MrS BanDitO (bell.aluna@hotmail.com)

OMG! Really?

Regards
Haema Daran
H/P: +65 xxxxxxxx
Skype ID: abcdefg
Tel: +65 xxxxxxxx
Fax: +65 xxxxxxxx

2008-06-18T16:13:00.000+08:00

“If you love something, demean it until it doesn’t have the self-esteem to leave.”
Joe DeNardo of The Onion (via snooz3r) (via siddman) (via seagull)

I hope this does not apply to me. I think i just had an OMFG moment.

2008-06-18T14:17:00.002+08:00

“A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination.”
Nelson Mandela

Okay, someone please shoot me. I read "a good head" and started laughing...till i realised that THAT was probably not what nelson mandela meant.

2008-06-18T14:06:00.001+08:00

*****

via jennyalison:

“I had some strange conversations in amazing places with my dear old friends over the weekend. Friends I’ve known from ‘growing up,’ and friends I play to keep when I grow old. There’s a reason why I keep the friends I keep, and the places we go, and that reason is because genuity and realness and love are hard to come by in a town full of people just looking for their next hit or ego fluffer. I’m not sophisticated enough to hang with the ‘in crowd’ whoever they might be, and I don’t care enough to hang out with people who think they are cool, or people who hang out in bars just because the bar itself makes them feel cool. I think I’m ‘cool’ because I’m nice. And in all my failings and flailings, I, at the very least, got your back, might even rub your back in public, and will never stab you in the back. I just want hugs and love and good times with my dearest, and frankly don’t give two-shits about how sceney our chosen haunt is. I just care that people I love are having a good time. The rest is just wallpaper.”

im doing it right now

2008-06-18T13:56:00.000+08:00

2008-06-18T12:28:00.001+08:00

“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

Carrie, from Sex and the City (via jeralyndwile)

2008-06-18T12:10:00.001+08:00

via nudawn:

a cute boy talks to me and i flush bright red like i’m fucking 12. wtf.
sometimes i think i can be callous and cold and completely emotionless. but i really think that its just my defense mechanism. i think the problem is that i feel too much.
i feel so much of everything. so much beauty. so much sadness. so much fear. so much joy. if someone touches me i might disintegrate. so i try to disconnect and detach to protect myself. i want to be in control of my emotions, but i’m so transparent sometimes that i try to counteract it with disdain or apathy.

I feel exactly the same way. I am sure he agrees.

2008-06-18T11:51:00.004+08:00

via seriouslythough

How uplifting. My day feels alot better now.

I think this is my ideal setting for...anything. Wedding, dinner parties, lunch dates, first dates. Ah, to live in such a world, as perfectly romantic as this.

2008-06-16T15:08:00.003+08:00

This sums up my day.

2008-06-13T23:20:00.002+08:00

It will take time. But i will get there.

I made this decision only after thinking about it for a long time. So i know i won't regret it. How ironic that my last post was about loving you.

2008-06-12T01:44:00.003+08:00

As i was walking back home tonight, i was wondering how life would be like without this boy. Yes, it would be simpler. But also filled with much MUCH less love and happiness. And because we are random enough, Happy 3 years and 2 months poopster.

And just for the record, I WAS TRICKED. haha:D

2008-06-09T17:52:00.002+08:00

The reason why i love SATC so much is because i see myself in these 4 ladies sometimes. I just finished watching Season 2, and i couldn't help but feel like Carrie. Being addicted to pain, in the form of Mr. Big, is something i can empathise with. Her over-thinkyness is another thing that is just way too familiar with me. I couldn't help but feel slightly guilty when i noticed that similarity. Her need to be in the space of Mr. Big and yet not be is also another thing that i do. Sometimes i wonder if im expecting the wrong things. But at other times, i feel like some pawn in a game. Okay i din mean for that to sound as bad as i just did. Cos things are better than they used to be. But i feel like that rope that is used in a tug of war game, at times.

Maybe its just me, i dunno.

2008-06-02T13:45:00.001+08:00

Hi All,

It is Monday, and as it is popularly known “Black Monday”, let us make a slight change to the tradition by having a little fun!

Let’s get together and gauge the intelligence of our own Right Foot…. Just try this. It is from an orthopedic surgeon.......

This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying repeatedly to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you cannot.
It is preprogram in your brain!

1. WITHOUT anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......)and while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer,

lift your right foot off the floor and make Clockwise Circles.

2.. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your Right Hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so!!! Moreover, there's nothing you can do about it!

You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done, You are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.

Regards

Haema Daran

I am in a HORRIBLE mood today, thanks to a certain someone. But i couldn't help but laugh when i saw this. I still do love this mummy of mine no matter the things she does sometimes.

2008-05-30T12:18:00.002+08:00

Okay im definitely not getting my second-upper cover letter this sem. Though i did better than the previous sem, i still did not get any As. These are the times when i regret not going overseas to finish my degree. I think (or at least from what my friends have told me) i would definitely have gotten more As over there, as compared to the measly number that i have gotten in NUS Law. I don't know why im so sad over my results this time. Usually i just don't let them affect me. Maybe its the idea of having to go in for pupillage interviews and having to explain these results that upsets me. Pupillage applications... GAH!

:(:(:(

I think im just gonna crawl back into bed for now.

2008-05-26T15:17:00.002+08:00

I am in that mood. You know the one where you are all for organising your entire life.
Maybe i'm only speaking of myself. I tend to have the need to compartmentalize my life.
It makes more sense to me somehow that way.
And when i see everything tucked neatly into little categories, i get a sense of satisfaction (maybe even euphoria) from it.

So, im figuring i will start with clearing up the room next week. And building up my CD collection the week after. And clearing out the cupboard the week week after. Notice how nothing starts this week. That's just the way i am. Heh(:

I'm really into World Music for now. Sergio Mendez, that Myspace artist Meiko and the likes. Amazing how good music can make a heavy heart feel so much lighter. That's just the way its always been with me. How lucky we are to have these little things around us.

Back to Gossip Girl for now. I love my life(:(:

2008-05-16T13:49:00.004+08:00

So long for absence. I am thinking less with each day, and i am glad to revel in my reality rather than that colourful world i have created in my head (i sound like delirium). Distractions aplenty, thanks to friends and family. Retail theraphy is in session next week, thanks to tuition money that will be rolling in. Oh and did i mention i was cooking nasi lemak today? Yes, for those who do know me, quit laughing. And for those who don't, well just take it that i am cooking today. haha! I am stressed aniwaes, cos i have no idea how this is gonna turn out:( GOOD LUCK to me.

And since there is a drought of pictures in this blog, here's one. Yes, i am generous that way(:

WATCH THIS

2008-05-08T13:08:00.000+08:00

2008-04-07T13:17:00.003+08:00

i know i prolly owe this blog a proper update. But things have been rather hectic around here, with the impending exams and trying to sort things out in my head and stuff. I can't really say much yet, but i will with time for sure(:

Till then, i am closing down this blog temporarily. Will be back soon enough!

i somehow always come off, sounding sad

2008-04-06T13:31:00.002+08:00

What's left to say, when all words are spent?
What's left to do, when all deeds are done?

2008-03-29T14:40:00.002+08:00

I wish i had nicer people around me.
Cos i think that will help,
in making me feel like a nicer person as well.
Evil, bitchy people just bring out that black, dirty, nasty side of me.
And i hate the person i transform into.

2008-03-28T14:29:00.001+08:00

Ugly people are meant to stick together.

Disclaimer: I'm not being mean. It's just an observation.

crushcrushcrush

2008-03-22T17:37:00.000+08:00

If you want to play it like a game,
Come on, come on, let's play.

release me

2008-03-20T17:44:00.001+08:00

"I love you but i gotta stay true
My morals got me on my knees
I'm begging, please stop playing games"

2008-03-19T23:11:00.002+08:00

All these nights i spend alone, make me see things from another place. He sits across me every day, watching and observing every single bit of me. At times, i feel like my privacy is being invaded on. As he reads every single twitch, twirl or sneer. But he is right, the way he reads me. That's what's scary. And as much as i try to deny it as vehemently as i can, i know deep down inside of me, that's he's got it pat down.

2008-03-18T13:37:00.001+08:00

Sometimes the simplest truth is that which is the hardest to deny.

I love you. Flaws and all.

Just you see.

2008-03-10T13:19:00.002+08:00

I am too stressed to function right now.

Let's take today for example. I have an MSN conference over that annoying comp crim presentation at 5. Dinner at 6. Seanie's vet appointment at 7. The last item on that list is of course the most leceh cos that means i have to give Seanie a good scrub and make sure he doesn't pee in the car. In a span of 15 min, this has to be done. Which is awfully difficult, knowing how difficult the dirty little poop can be. But i have been worrying about his health for too long. And i just wanna know what's going on.

And exams are in a month. AAH! save me please!

On another note, don't ask me to make decisions about the future please. Cos' the present gives me enough to think about. Things are just so unpredictable. And till they reach some sort of normalcy, i can't make any decisions for myself, let alone you.

2008-03-08T14:28:00.001+08:00

2008-02-25T20:19:00.001+08:00

You take me for granted.

I will give up soon enough, in this fight for your attention and love.

2008-02-18T17:41:00.002+08:00

I know there's something in the wake of your smile
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah
You've built a love but that love falls apart
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yeah
They're swept away and nothing is what it seems
The feeling of belonging to your dreams

Listen to your heart
When he's calling for you
Listen to your heart
There's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going
And i don't know why
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye

hello world. im still here.

2008-02-16T10:01:00.002+08:00

I hate it when people pretend. Some pretend, with the malicious intention of deceiving. Others pretend, for the sake of making people happy, to lull them into a false sense of security. Then, there are those who pretend, because they want change so bad but have no idea how to make it happen. Whichever way it happens, its just bad, and i absolutely hate it when close friends and family pretend with me. I am all for brutal honesty. And seriously, if you are not into that, then do not speak to me.

There, i said it.

2008-01-31T10:56:00.000+08:00

Have you ever watched that scene in F.R.I.E.N.D.S where Ross prepares a list of pros and cons about Rachel, cos' he's having such a hard time choosing between her and his current gf? Under the list of cons, he writes chubby ankles, just a waitress, vain, spoilt brat, etc. And obviously Rachel gets all mad about it. It's like having all these insecurities about yourself, and then having someone you love using these things that you are insecure about, against you. That's how i feel like right now. Like i have been shown the list of all the things that i have feared that you would see in me, and being told that yes, i do think these things about you. But, oh no, i do love you. I don't think love is supposed to be hurtless. But at the same time, it is not supposed to hurt my ego this way too. It's not supposed to make me hate myself. It's not supposed to make me cringe when i look at my reflection. It's not supposed to make me hide behind you, because i am not confident enough to face the rest of the world.

Just another lesson taught in this game that we call love.

2008-01-23T11:51:00.000+08:00

Thaipusam completely erked the hell out of me yesterday. It was so painful to watch men, completely drunk, dancing away in their drunken stupor in front of the kavadis. I mean what the hell has society degraded to. They think they are damn cool of course for doing all these, and i am so ashamed to say that i actually knew some of these people.

Despite all these, i still do plan to go back to carrying paalkudam from 2009 onwards. This was something that i used to do every year, till recently. And i need to go back to this again. I have too many things to think about, and i just want to ease my mind by going back to the things that i used to do. Those things made me happy, and that's definitely something that i have stopped being.

2008-01-16T11:39:00.000+08:00

I recently read Elizabeth Wurtzel's Prozac Nation for the second time. This time, to gain some closure. I think i am not ready for that yet. The book's not exceptionally well-written, and very often you feel like the author is indulging herself in her (miserable?) life as she recounts it, but there were many moments in the story that spoke to me. So, here are some very memorable quotes:

"When i think of all the things he did because he loved me - what people visit on each other out of something like love. It's enough for all the world's woe. You don't even need hate to have a perfectly miserable time."

"Ever so often, they would try to put on a face of mutual concern, telling me that their feelings for each other shouldn't affect me, but it always rang false, like putting an elephant in the middle of our cramped, poorly lit living room and trying to suggest that i ignore the beast, that he would be tame and well behaved, that we could just live and work around him. I admire the fact that rather than trying to do what was right in a situation that was so obviously wrong, they did what came naturally.

We came to Alaska and we froze to death."

" 'I'm glad you are being so responsible,' my father says, ever the laid-back parent, never the moralizer. 'Just be careful.'

'Be careful?' I ask.
'Be careful of your heart.'
'Oh that,' I say, certain that i have nothing to worry about. 'Yeah, well Zachary's a pretty good guy.'

***

Within a month, my father left New York without a trace, a tragedy that was only eclipsed by the fact that Zachary also left me without a trace, except for the beautiful gold necklace he had bought for me and insisted i keep. He said something about how he wanted to feel like he could play basketball with his friends without worrying that i was going to start crying. And i said that it had never occured to me that he'd rather be shooting hoops than in bed with me, and he said that, yes, in fact, sometimes he would prefer to play basketball, and that in terms of absolute value, sex and sports were equally meaningless to him, they were just two different ways to have fun.

So all i was to you was a way to have fun? I asked
Yes. That's right, he said.
And that was it.
Be careful of your heart."

In other news, i did very interesting Facebook quizzes that supposedly tells me all these things about me. It was a very self-indulgent experience, and i have a feeling that sometimes we humans tend to place too much importance on the idea of the Self and identity. When deconstructing the self, only leaves us with history. I realise, now, that it doesn't matter how my past experiences have created this person that i am today. What's important is the person i become on my own.

I shall leave you with something really sweet.

"You can take no credit if you're beautiful at 16. But if you're beautiful at 60, that's your soul's own doing."